


S-T-A-Y; Stay

by Reeeading



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-06-30 03:04:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19844245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reeeading/pseuds/Reeeading
Summary: Minghao just wanted Junhui to stay.





	S-T-A-Y; Stay

_“Mr. Xu Minghao?”_

_“Yes, it’s me.”_

_“Please follow me.”_

_“Mm.”_

Minghao could never stress enough how much he wished Junhui would stay in his life. The older had always had a rhythm of his own; Minghao couldn’t intervene. He came and went as he pleased; Minghao was too weak to stop him every time.

When had it all started; Minghao couldn’t even remember. One thing he did remember; being Junhui who had at some point been the only constant in his life. Which, in return, Minghao had allowed to be the only reason he held onto whenever he started questioning himself – an excuse excused enough for him to justify as to why he yearned so much for the other’s presence in his life.

Everything had started small. One dinner, two nights, three days, then four weeks, and so on till Minghao forgot there was a roommate he shared his living space with.

When Minghao first reached his peak, he did nothing but tried to sleep his worry away – _the first thing Minghao has come to regret._ He was too cool to call at that time, choosing to thrash for hours on his bed instead.

Good thing – or bad thing; Minghao couldn’t decide – Junhui came back shortly after. He came back to a Minghao whose eye bags were so dark they looked like they were tattooed; skin was dull and body seemed like a mere shell without soul. One unnecessary nudge and Minghao might have scattered apart on his spot.

Junhui – surprisingly – looked not quite different himself. Beautiful tanned skin nowhere in sight and instead a sheet of pale colorless skin clothed his face. His cheeks became so thin; his high cheekbones were no longer a sight.

Junhui then barged in like he hadn’t just left Minghao for months, crashing and collapsing straight onto his chest. Minghao was still amazed until today how he could manage to hold them both that day in his daze. He held the door.

“I can’t do this; I can’t.” Junhui’s whisper sounded so soft in his ear; it was barely audible if it wasn’t for their apartment being as empty and as cold as it had been the past weeks. Junhui’s nose nuzzled deep into the crook of his neck.

Minghao was paralyzed. As if a wrong move could actually cast the other away in the blink of an eye; Minghao wasn’t sure if he could touch the older nor was he sure if the man in his arm was real or just a mere projection of his mind.

Instead, he asked, “Do what, Junhui?”

“Being away from you.” Junhui’s breath on his neck was blowing hot and real; making a strong permission for his mind to believe he was not just a projection his head had created for him. The arms on his back left prints and prickles. Minghao was trembling with how good and real the hands felt on his back.

His breath hitched when Junhui took a sharp sniff from his neck. “I miss you, Minghao; so, so much, you won’t have any ideas.” The heart beating upon his chest was drumming strong, heaving up and down in sync with his own; all his reasons were thrown out of the window in that instances.

Minghao took Junhui back without doubt. He straightly led the older to their bed; pushing himself to him.

That night, Minghao finally caught up with all the sleeps he’d lost. With Junhui lying bare next to him, their bodies tangled like Chinese knots.

The older had his hand running through Minghao’s hair until sleep later reached and grasped him down; lulled completely under Junhui’s spells and charms like he had always been.

The hard chest and cold skin under his palm screamed “ _real_ ” and Minghao slept like a baby; being held and cherished like no other as he relished Junhui’s strokes over his body.

But when the sun rose again the next day, Junhui was gone alongside the night. His clothes and shoes all disappeared with no traces of Junhui ever coming home to him.

Minghao had never known until today whether the scene had been real or not. But, it kept on repeating. And every time; Minghao kept on letting it be.

He welcomed Junhui under his blanket again and again; and again, and again he lost him the very next day – _the second thing Minghao has come to regret._

Since then on, Junhui came in and out of his life; Minghao was torn and healed.

_“Are you, by chance, his only family?”_

_“No, I’m not.”_

Junhui showed up one day with a new face – Seokmin, as Junhui had introduced him. Minghao was slightly puzzled by the new change at first; he held the door with confusion thick in his eyes.

Junhui dismissed it and pushed the new guy in. Minghao didn’t have a say.

“He’s a friend of mine. You’ll be close with him in no time.” Junhui had explained when Minghao asked him in the kitchen. An indecipherable expression surfaced on his face and Minghao brushed it off like it meant not a thing – _the third thing Minghao has come to regret._

Later on, he trailed behind Junhui throughout the rest of their night; pretty much like a lost pet finally finding his owner. His arms yearned to seize the older’s waist and body was hungry to taste the other’s warmth. But, Minghao didn’t have the courage he needed.

Instead, he sat next to Seokmin; dying for another.

“Seokmin will be a very good friend for you. He’s witty. You’ll like him in no time.” Minghao didn’t care.

All he cared being Junhui’s hand which was sitting a few inches from his own. His fingers itched and shy away from chasing after their other pieces.

Junhui left again the next day before Minghao got to hold his hand.

_“Ah, he never had anyone visiting him.”_

_“H-he hadn’t.”_

If anything, Junhui coming back became an even rarer occasion than before.

At some point, Minghao had grown too tired crossing out days waiting for his return; he slumped on his bed. One day, two days, three days, four days; Minghao spent cooped up inside his room. Junhui coming back was rare occasions and Minghao didn’t want to miss even a second of it. He waited.

But instead, the one coming was always Seokmin. No matter how many attempts Minghao had made to push him away, the guy persisted. Minghao more often than not wished; it was Junhui behind the door. But, no; it never was.

“Junhui Hyung asked me to check on you!” Seokmin one day exclaimed, with one foot shoved into the smallest gap Minghao’s door still left unclosed.

And, Minghao, being his dumb self, opened up the door without a single thought. The almost dying hope in his heart blazed into a dragon flame; ready to swallow the whole village. Sparkles trespassed their ways into his eyes as Seokmin’s face morphed to an amused one.

He grabbed both Seokmin’s hands and pulled him in – _the fourth thing Minghao has come to regret._ He closed the door, not seeing the smallest of a shadow leaving without bothering to pass by.

He took Seokmin to his and Junhui’s couch. “Did you meet him? Where did you meet him?” he asked, probably bouncing a little as he did.

Seokmin immediately turned a little uneasy. He rubbed his nape as he answered – which Minghao failed to acknowledge. He had pushed all his running thought to make room for the important one – _the fifth thing Minghao has come to regret_. He listened too intently; hoped too much and expected too high; he crashed.

“I didn’t meet him. He called me.”

Minghao’s heart plummeted in a way he wasn’t sure it could be picked up anymore. “So, there’s really no way for us to reach him then,” he mumbled, pulling up his legs to his chest as he folded his body and lay his head on his knees. The blanket around his body did nothing close to Junhui’s arms around him. He hugged himself.

Seokmin was spooked by his side. “I-I can try calling the number he used earlier,” he stammered.

Minghao shook his head. “I’ve done it hundred times. It’s useless. He has… deactivated his number.”

Seokmin still tried calling anyway. But, to no avail; it was deactivated.

Minghao’s flame died alongside the line that night. Later on, sleeping while thinking; Seokmin’s hands weren’t as warm as Junhui’s was, nonetheless still was warmer than the cold Junhui’s absence had left on his skin.

He slept, thinking; he could be stronger.

_“He was a remarkable one, though; a fighter, even.”_

_“H-he was.”_

When Seokmin kissed him, Minghao thought of Junhui. When Seokmin touched him, he compared him with Junhui. And when Seokmin held him, he cried; wishing it was Junhui holding him instead.

Seokmin didn’t touch him any less gentle than Junhui had done, didn’t treat him any less tender than Junhui had done, but Minghao always felt so much whenever he remembered the older.

The way Junhui touched him like he was the most wanted person in the world, the way Junhui treated him like he was the most precious thing in the world, or even the way Junhui wrecked him on bed like he was the nastiest of thing; those were all Minghao had thirsted for all this time.

But, the drought Minghao faced had been too severe; his throat became dry and his body dehydrated, his mind stopped working altogether. The sun shone so brightly still in the sky; Minghao’s throat couldn’t help but be angry at the sky, cursing the heaven for letting him suffer. 

He kissed Seokmin mad. Pushing the startled guy down on his and Junhui’s bed, he yanked Seokmin’s clothes off. Tears were streaming down his face like river as he forced Seokmin to receive his brutal kisses; heart calling out for another.

The chants inside his head shouted and screamed; yelling like they were threatening to set his head off, ticking and ringing like a time bomb waiting to roll and just detonate in the corner.

He was angry; not to Seokmin, not to Junhui, but to himself. In the end of the day, Minghao was still the weak one. He pulled away crying on Seokmin’s chest. The other held him close as he shushed him down. Guilt ate him up as he made up his mind.

That night, Minghao kissed Seokmin one last time; thinking about Junhui.

_“It was such an unfortunate he lost his will in the last minutes.”_

_“It was.”_

“Seokmin?” Minghao called. “Why does it feel like someone is watching us?” Minghao remembered asking. His hand clutched at Seokmin’s arm like he would vanish if he held it any less tight.

People were passing and moving by in front of them; cutting and crossing path with each other, they bustled in a way Minghao had forgotte how the city had always been. The trees above them swayed and Minghao’s mind and heart was silently refreshed by them.

Seokmin raised a brow and retorted back; a hint of playfulness in his voice, “Does it?”

Minghao nodded.

He was thankful to him; really he was. Seokmin had always stayed, had always sought after him, had always been waiting for him; had all this time been filling in all the voids Junhui’s departure had left him.

But, such a shame, Minghao could never figure out how to thank him enough. Seokmin had just done too much for him already.

So, he gave his best smile when Seokmin pushed his hand down to interlock it with his own.

His fingers were slightly longer than Junhui’s; Minghao immediately picked up. A little more unfamiliar and foreign; but Minghao could deal with it just fine – because; he had to.

Their hands together laced like a pair of mismatched socks. But, Minghao said no more as Seokmin led him deeper into the district; letting busy shops and their people quickly swarmed and attacked his senses.

In the back of his mind; Minghao quietly deemed mismatched socks as the newest fashion trend. He squeezed Seokmin’s hand tighter – _the sixth thing Minghao has come to regret._

Seokmin swung their intertwined hands and Minghao forced out his best smile, not knowing a few steps behind them; a man covered from head to toe was watching and observing. He entered the first shop Seokmin had suggested.

_“Okay, we’re here. Mr. Xu, please brace yourself.”_

_“I’m ready. Just… just let me see him already, please.”_

Ironically, their relationship started with a Wen Junhui and ended – also – with a Wen Junhui. Minghao wasn’t even sure he could call what had barely started between them a relationship when it finally came to an end.

He was fuming; literally fuming as he banged on his and Junhui’s bathroom door. Anger overran his common senses as he screamed out Seokmin’s name; screeching to the very top of his lungs as if the latter was a swindler he was running after – which wasn’t completely wrong given what Seokmin’s texts had just told him.

Seokmin opened the door shortly after; towel sitting low around his waist and face openly showing his annoyance. “What is it, yah, Ming – URGH!” he unforeseen Minghao pushing him; his head banging loudly against the shower’s tiles, he winced.

“You –“ Minghao trailed off; body was racking and fists were clenching, teeth gritting. Next thing Seokmin knew, Minghao was already shouting in his face; eyes shooting out daggers, “— how could you?! I’ve trusted you!” he punched his fist next to Seokmin’s face.

“All this time… All this time, you and Junhui must have had so much fun laughing at my agony, haven’t you?! It’s fUN, ISN’T IT?! J-just what did you guys take me as? Hm? Wha –” Minghao couldn’t finish his sentence.

Seokmin had just exchanged texts with Junhui; all along, been doing just that. And Minghao, being stupid Minghao had so densely never questioned just what Seokmin had been doing behind his back.

Minghao should have known from the very start. Seokmin had known him all too well to be just someone he just gotten acquainted with.

The places Minghao loved to be touched at, the food Minghao loved to have whenever sadness ran over him, the little acts Minghao found comfort in, and every other little things that made Minghao’s day that no other but Junhui could think of; Minghao should have known from the very start that Seokmin had Junhui behind him.

Minghao was stupid and it wasn’t helping that Minghao was crying. Seokmin would see how weak Minghao truly was and somewhere within his disgusting lair, Junhui must have been dancing too. Minghao hated them both and himself.

He threw his punches, “I hate you, I hate you, I hate y—“

“Minghao, listen, liSTEN!” Seokmin yelled; shocking Minghao to his very core like a thunder in the daytime. Seokmin had never once acted not gentle to Minghao. Moreover, not after they had just had sex.

Minghao was instantly taken a back, he retreated. “Y-you’ve just yelled at me…” He accused. “E-even Junhui never did it…”

Seokmin hissed. Minghao cowered.

He was distressed. “Look, Minghao, I can explain, okay? Just f*cking stop looking at me like I’m some animal! We’ve just literally f*cked each other on that bed over thERE!” Seokmin was frustrated, Minghao could tell from his tone.

His finger was pointing harshly at the bed he’d bought with Junhui; a stark reminder of what train of emotions Seokmin had just tossed at his way **,** churning and messing up his stomach so bad he wanted to throw up. Seokmin hands on his were instantly burning and disturbing, Minghao wanted them off him that instances. He shot back up.

“Junhui is si —“ ***RRRRRR***

Minghao’s ringtone blared throughout the room; freezing everything dead. The room was silenced up in that short while; no more yelling, no more thrashing. Just Seokmin telling him, “You better answer your phone all the time from now on.”

He let go of his grip and Minghao left to pick up his phone – _which then makes up his_ _seventh and by far biggest regret._

Minghao; was too late.

_“Mr. Wen Junhui; his heart has stopped beating earlier this midnight right when the clock struck 12 – 7 th of November. We have tried all our best, but his cancer has spread out of our controls. We have bathed him so you can bring his body with you later once you finish all the documents._

_Lastly, Mr. Xu, with all due sincerity, we – the doctors and all the staffs working here – send you our deepest condolences. May Mr. Wen rest in peace and all that is left can face his departure strongly like how Mr. Wen’s been doing all this time. He left you a letter, Mr. Xu.”_

_“Th- thank you. I can never thank you enough.”_

Come back does Junhui do; just, not in the way Minghao has expected him to. The cold body in front of him isn’t what he’s been waiting for.

He clutches the letter to his chest; feeling every edges of its crumpled envelope scratches and cuts his heart. Blood’s dripping and stains the letter as he cries out the name of that who can no longer answer his call. Minghao bawls his eyes out as he holds that cold hand that can never hold his back.

Come back does Junhui finally do; but, no, Minghao can never stress enough how much he wishes Junhui will stay in his life. His body has indeed come back to Minghao, but, no; besides it, nothing else has come back.

No more Junhui’s smiles, no more warm body on his bed, no more Junhui who will wreck and patch him up. Junhui’s breath has gone away and there is no way Minghao can do to make it comes back the way Junhui’s body has come back to him.

Junhui has always had a rhythm of his own and Minghao cannot intervene; he drops on his knees.

**Author's Note:**

> New angst in the house! XD OH MY I'M LIKE A MASOCHIST HERE, BUT HEY; WHO DOESN'T LOVE TORMENTING SOMEONE THE MORE YOU LOVE THEM?! Probably just me, but yeah; sorry not sorry 😂😂😂 
> 
> I need to indulge myself once in a while. What do you guys think about this story? Let me know in the comment down bellow ;))
> 
> Anyway, I am so so SO PROud of myself. This is literally the first time I can finish ONE story in ONE sitting. Can you believe it guys? So, yeah, I really wait for your comments. I want to know what is your thought about this story!
> 
> A little fact; I actually started this story with "It actually hurts more for the one who left rather than the one who was left." as the main idea. But, WALAA!! This is the end product and I don't even know how it can come up to this! 
> 
> Lastly, thanks for reading n don't forget to comment~ I love y'all ♡♡♡


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